Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.
Jane Howard, "Families"
The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
Carl Jung (1875 - 1961)
Sadly I have been heavily preoccupied, and being such, was unable to write lately, the reason being, my spring break, brought back both my chosen, and at the same time, helped further define me, as a person and as a human being.
Several years ago, not long after the departure of Terri from my life, I was in search of answers, and a new mission in life. Matt Thorns, a close ally of mine for many years a man who I have assumed as my own family, decided to introduce me to three men who makeup with matt and steven, my Chosen, an inner circle of my friends all of whom I trust dearly with both my life, and with the wisdom and advice that they offer.
Matthew Thorns was a man I met long ago in the boy scouts, a free spirit, matt and I immediately became friends, his life and exhuberence gave him the ability to dive head first into life and enjoy it for all it's worth, and to push himself onwards no matter the opposition. Matt has and will for years continue to teach me things about my own existence, what it is to love and loose, and most importantly, being mature about life and it's choices, but remaining light hearted and plesant about things.
With Matt came Jai Kang, one of the inspirations for this blog, a man who has taught me one of the most philosophical lessons a human being can ask for, that an unexamined and unquestioned life isn't worth living, Jai has been partially blind since childhood, and as such cannot do many of the things people his age enjoy, but inspite of this Jai continues to live his life to the fullest, and because of such, Jai is able to add his unique perspective to the world around him. Jai is one of the few people I know who is able to see the world for what it is truly, beyond the sugar coating and the bullshit, positive or negative, Jai see's it and isn't afraid to tell you what he sees and what people think of him for laying down those observations. Now some might call him an asshole or a son of a bitch for doing it, but I call him my friend, he is always truthful and is always brutally honest without being vauge or sparing someones feelings, he compliments people when deserved, and calls them out when they need to be, for this he is truly and enlightened person.
With Jai came Joe Bauml, a man who lives his life day to day, and lets things flow with thier own order and pace, and for such, Joe is a balancing factor that brings options and insight to many problems I have encountered in life, having problems of his own in the past, Joe has recovered now and is able to make us all think and look at ourselves, accepting all we have done and said and using the knowledge gained from that to improve our own lives. I still believe that he is a reincarnated zen master from those kung fu movies because he is so cool, calm and collected, that I swear when he sleeps sheep count HIM.
Justin Stubbs entered the equation with the advice of trio. Justin has much in common with me, a collective birthday, a desire to explore life, and the wisdom and foresight to add others advice before commiting to action. Stubbs is in everyway, a brilliant man, he is well versed in all areas of study and is constantly using the god given gifts of such to improve the lifes of those around him. Many times he has given me the advice that proved critical to descisions that made my life difficult, and he is always willing to listen, Stubbs had chosen to stand with us a long time ago and hasn't looked back since, being by us in the shit and luxury associated with what our lives have been and what they will become.
Finally their is Steven Pesha, my avatar, a man whom I trust absolutely, and a man I would gladly take a bullet for anytime, anywhere. Steve and I became close friends in high school almost by accident, his younger sister K was close friends with a mutual friend of my cousin Clare, a girl named Karrie. Karrie arranged for my cousin to go to my high schools home coming with Steve. Steve agreed and I quickly tracked him down in school, for one to size him up and see if he was a jag or not, mind you this was back before I met the man, and to invite him to join my group I was traveling with to dinner. While Steve didn't come with us, he and I became the greatest of friends, he was everything Andy and Scott weren't, loyal. Steve trusted me to make descisions, and stood by me, he was and still is above being defined by his social status and he like me, works hard and reaps the rewards of it. Steven and I have been friends now for five years, and I have and will continue to look upon these years as the proudest of my life. He is a man ruled by his principles and is unwavering in his convictions, he roundly rejects things that taint him, and is critical of my life in a way that helps further define what I am as a person. He questions and often rags me for my desire to remain single, a aspect of myself that many have a good time with. Being in a relationship is alot like being on Heroin, thier is a big high, and then at the end your left with a bitter crash and a dependency for more and more, until you take to much and it leaves you both financially bankrupt and on the verge of death from the inside. I know thats a little bleak but believe me, I have seen love that can light the stars in people eyes, and then watch them turn on each other like rabid animals, and as such, I choose to remove this cancer of unclarity from my thought process.
But Steve is my moral compass, I feel comfortable talking to him and I feel compelled to question his life and let him question mine. Some day steve will overcome his flaws being his lack of confidence in his abilities and his failure to distance himself from people who would hold him down. Someday he will bag the woman of his dreams, and settle down with a family and hopefully raise them to be everything he is, honest, dependable and hardworking.
But to the point, these men my chosen, are the people I rely on when the shit hits the fan and they do the same for me. It broke my heart when we all went to diffrent colleges, but when we are all back in town, we get together like we did the other night, enjoy a few drinks and a few laughs and lay it on thick when it comes to living. With the summer coming soon, we will all be together again and will have times I know we will all cherish.
But the real kicker here is my family. On the 29th I celebrated the right of passage that is the 21st birthday, I have finally reached the top of the mountain and the valley is good let me tell you. I chose for this event, to go with my uncles, my grandfathers, and my male cousins all of whom I deeply respect to the bar a few drinks. I the following hours we all bonded on real levels and shared stories of our lives. This event was everything I hoped it would be and more, and because of it, I feel I am stronger, wiser, and deeper when it comes to relating to the people who gave me everything I have, and made me everything that I am.
The focus of this entry has been for me to recall why these people mean so much to me, and why they have shaped my life in ways so profound that they may never fully understand the extent of it.
Jane Howard, "Families"
The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
Carl Jung (1875 - 1961)
Sadly I have been heavily preoccupied, and being such, was unable to write lately, the reason being, my spring break, brought back both my chosen, and at the same time, helped further define me, as a person and as a human being.
Several years ago, not long after the departure of Terri from my life, I was in search of answers, and a new mission in life. Matt Thorns, a close ally of mine for many years a man who I have assumed as my own family, decided to introduce me to three men who makeup with matt and steven, my Chosen, an inner circle of my friends all of whom I trust dearly with both my life, and with the wisdom and advice that they offer.
Matthew Thorns was a man I met long ago in the boy scouts, a free spirit, matt and I immediately became friends, his life and exhuberence gave him the ability to dive head first into life and enjoy it for all it's worth, and to push himself onwards no matter the opposition. Matt has and will for years continue to teach me things about my own existence, what it is to love and loose, and most importantly, being mature about life and it's choices, but remaining light hearted and plesant about things.
With Matt came Jai Kang, one of the inspirations for this blog, a man who has taught me one of the most philosophical lessons a human being can ask for, that an unexamined and unquestioned life isn't worth living, Jai has been partially blind since childhood, and as such cannot do many of the things people his age enjoy, but inspite of this Jai continues to live his life to the fullest, and because of such, Jai is able to add his unique perspective to the world around him. Jai is one of the few people I know who is able to see the world for what it is truly, beyond the sugar coating and the bullshit, positive or negative, Jai see's it and isn't afraid to tell you what he sees and what people think of him for laying down those observations. Now some might call him an asshole or a son of a bitch for doing it, but I call him my friend, he is always truthful and is always brutally honest without being vauge or sparing someones feelings, he compliments people when deserved, and calls them out when they need to be, for this he is truly and enlightened person.
With Jai came Joe Bauml, a man who lives his life day to day, and lets things flow with thier own order and pace, and for such, Joe is a balancing factor that brings options and insight to many problems I have encountered in life, having problems of his own in the past, Joe has recovered now and is able to make us all think and look at ourselves, accepting all we have done and said and using the knowledge gained from that to improve our own lives. I still believe that he is a reincarnated zen master from those kung fu movies because he is so cool, calm and collected, that I swear when he sleeps sheep count HIM.
Justin Stubbs entered the equation with the advice of trio. Justin has much in common with me, a collective birthday, a desire to explore life, and the wisdom and foresight to add others advice before commiting to action. Stubbs is in everyway, a brilliant man, he is well versed in all areas of study and is constantly using the god given gifts of such to improve the lifes of those around him. Many times he has given me the advice that proved critical to descisions that made my life difficult, and he is always willing to listen, Stubbs had chosen to stand with us a long time ago and hasn't looked back since, being by us in the shit and luxury associated with what our lives have been and what they will become.
Finally their is Steven Pesha, my avatar, a man whom I trust absolutely, and a man I would gladly take a bullet for anytime, anywhere. Steve and I became close friends in high school almost by accident, his younger sister K was close friends with a mutual friend of my cousin Clare, a girl named Karrie. Karrie arranged for my cousin to go to my high schools home coming with Steve. Steve agreed and I quickly tracked him down in school, for one to size him up and see if he was a jag or not, mind you this was back before I met the man, and to invite him to join my group I was traveling with to dinner. While Steve didn't come with us, he and I became the greatest of friends, he was everything Andy and Scott weren't, loyal. Steve trusted me to make descisions, and stood by me, he was and still is above being defined by his social status and he like me, works hard and reaps the rewards of it. Steven and I have been friends now for five years, and I have and will continue to look upon these years as the proudest of my life. He is a man ruled by his principles and is unwavering in his convictions, he roundly rejects things that taint him, and is critical of my life in a way that helps further define what I am as a person. He questions and often rags me for my desire to remain single, a aspect of myself that many have a good time with. Being in a relationship is alot like being on Heroin, thier is a big high, and then at the end your left with a bitter crash and a dependency for more and more, until you take to much and it leaves you both financially bankrupt and on the verge of death from the inside. I know thats a little bleak but believe me, I have seen love that can light the stars in people eyes, and then watch them turn on each other like rabid animals, and as such, I choose to remove this cancer of unclarity from my thought process.
But Steve is my moral compass, I feel comfortable talking to him and I feel compelled to question his life and let him question mine. Some day steve will overcome his flaws being his lack of confidence in his abilities and his failure to distance himself from people who would hold him down. Someday he will bag the woman of his dreams, and settle down with a family and hopefully raise them to be everything he is, honest, dependable and hardworking.
But to the point, these men my chosen, are the people I rely on when the shit hits the fan and they do the same for me. It broke my heart when we all went to diffrent colleges, but when we are all back in town, we get together like we did the other night, enjoy a few drinks and a few laughs and lay it on thick when it comes to living. With the summer coming soon, we will all be together again and will have times I know we will all cherish.
But the real kicker here is my family. On the 29th I celebrated the right of passage that is the 21st birthday, I have finally reached the top of the mountain and the valley is good let me tell you. I chose for this event, to go with my uncles, my grandfathers, and my male cousins all of whom I deeply respect to the bar a few drinks. I the following hours we all bonded on real levels and shared stories of our lives. This event was everything I hoped it would be and more, and because of it, I feel I am stronger, wiser, and deeper when it comes to relating to the people who gave me everything I have, and made me everything that I am.
The focus of this entry has been for me to recall why these people mean so much to me, and why they have shaped my life in ways so profound that they may never fully understand the extent of it.
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