Forgive Or Forget?
Forgiveness is the healing of wounds caused by another. You choose to let go of a past wrong and no longer be hurt by it. Forgiveness is a strong move to make, like turning your shoulders sideways to walk quickly on a crowded sidewalk. It's your move.
Real Live Preacher, RealLivePreacher.com Weblog, July 7, 2003
Anonymous author of RealLivePreacher.com
Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
Oscar Wilde
Irish dramatist, novelist, & poet (1854 - 1900)
It often pains me to sit in a room of crowed people, especially people I don't know. Now it's not that I'm xenophobic or something, just something about strangers troubles and bothers me. I think it's the fact that they haven't proven themselves to me, and if I can't trust them, I have no desire to know them. Thursday night, I sat in the Denny's one of my least favorite places in the world, not so much because the place is filthy, reeks of BO and ass and the food is beyond shitty, but because I have to deal with people who I for one feel are just too screwed up to function. Everytime I go in there, I am sitting around stoners and goths, who for some reason feel compelled to have conversations across the room with each other while trying to pipe up a conversation with me, throw shit at each other and otherwise make total spectacles out of themselves. Now I'm used to juvenile bullshit behavior, I dealt with the biggest group of immature assholes ever put together on gods green earth, but it totally irritates my shit in the worst kind of way when I come all the way over there (because it's a good distance from my house) to see my friends, and I have to deal with everyone else in the rooms shit. Somewhere in the commericals for Denny's thier must have been a subliminal message that draws these assholes thier like muslims to mecca, because I can't walk in their without feeling like I should have just put a fucking gun to my head instead.
Now I found myself in this Denny's on Thursday because I have the rare privledge of seeing the guys altogether again. With Christmas break being here I have preciuous little time with the guys before they all head back for another 3 months of shit and misery. Now this time is wasted, when I have to sit and deal with nonsense, and I'm starting to feel the only reason I didn't get up and walk across the room and rip the ring out of the fucking kids lip who was throwing the creamer around, was because I was with the guys.
It's not an avoidable question or idea anymore, I have made these guys the most important thing in my life, and when I have them altogether I find that I am most at peace with myself. My greatest blessing in life was finding my friends, people who I can trust, people I can believe in, and people who manage to live thier lives with the best intrests of each other at heart.
Thorns and Kang are two of the closest people I have ever met, Matt I think, gets along with him better than his own family and why god made them friends instead of brothers I will never understand. Steve inspite of his shortcomings is one of the most simplistic and easy going people I have ever met, he seems to just be able to float through life and I admire that, thier are days I wish I could just drift, and not have to worry anymore, but for me thats a pipe dream, the man lives his life his way, and that is to be admired. Chris Cochrane is another story all of his own, I haven't known him nearly as long as the others but I wish I had. Things came between Chris and I becoming friends, and really suffered because I met him at a time when he was falling out with the guys, mostly through the influence of the now defunct Hai, who is no longer in the picture. Chris is this sort of quiet guy who is just a closet cult of personality. He knows what to say and when to say it, and he like the others is just a damned genius. It makes me feel alot better that he is back, because I find the man to be intresting and insightful, and it's a rare treat to able to converse with him. Finally we come to the only man who wasn't present but we felt the loss of, Stubbs. Stubbs is the biggest morale boost I think that this group has. I haven't had a bad experience with the man, and I really do honest think of him as a brother, he wise far beyond his years, he knows his strengths and limitations, and most importantly he never tries to be what he is not, and you HAVE to respect that.
When I'm with these guys I find that my problems just seem to melt away, I can forget about the rest of the world and just be myself and do my thing, and these guys are the reason I can. It's just something about all of us, it like a magnetism, somehow for some reason we were all drawn together and everyday I thank my lucky stars that we were, it's the direct hand of god at work.
But this is where I get to the point, what this is all about. When I'm not with these guys everything comes rushing back to me, and I feel anger,frustration, and most of all regret. I hate having to feel bad and others cause me to feel that way. I'm not perfect, my friends aren't perfect, but when were with each other, it's like were in our own perfect little universe, one I think shows the way that the world should live. I can and have forgiven these guys for things in the past, Matt's shunning of us because of his ex, Lies told,things said, I have and I will continue to forgive them for everything and anything, but why can't I do this for the rest of the world?
Why is it that our group can live, be almost selfless for each others benefit, and yet everyone else seems to be the opposite? and why doesn't anyone get that thier actions hurt each other?. I had stated earlier this year that everyday when I wake up, I see more and more, the rotten and evil things inside every person I meet. Maybe it's just me being facichious but I dont see that in these guys, I dont see in them what the rest of the world shows me, and I find myself asking why?
more important than that, I'm asking myself why I just simply can't forgive people for things anymore, why my family is trying my patience,why my co-workers are putting me at my wits end, and why I find the many simple inflictions on me to be terrible. I think it's because I spoiled my perception of the world with the balance I have with my friends. It's like coming off some kind of high when I return from an outing with the guys, and I come crashing back to this shit, and it pisses me off that those moments have to end.
but the consolation here is that these guys make me what to be a better person, hell I think we all cause each other to be a better person, and if I can learn to just be happy with life even by myself, I may just be okay. I often like to think of a simple Chinese proverb I heard once, one that sticks with me, and feels logical to me...
Manifest plainness,
Embrace simplicity,
Reduce selfishness,
Have few desires.
Lao-tzu, The Way of Lao-tzu
Chinese philosopher (604 BC - 531 BC)
sounds like a great plan to me, god bless us guys, your more special than each of you could ever know.
Real Live Preacher, RealLivePreacher.com Weblog, July 7, 2003
Anonymous author of RealLivePreacher.com
Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
Oscar Wilde
Irish dramatist, novelist, & poet (1854 - 1900)
It often pains me to sit in a room of crowed people, especially people I don't know. Now it's not that I'm xenophobic or something, just something about strangers troubles and bothers me. I think it's the fact that they haven't proven themselves to me, and if I can't trust them, I have no desire to know them. Thursday night, I sat in the Denny's one of my least favorite places in the world, not so much because the place is filthy, reeks of BO and ass and the food is beyond shitty, but because I have to deal with people who I for one feel are just too screwed up to function. Everytime I go in there, I am sitting around stoners and goths, who for some reason feel compelled to have conversations across the room with each other while trying to pipe up a conversation with me, throw shit at each other and otherwise make total spectacles out of themselves. Now I'm used to juvenile bullshit behavior, I dealt with the biggest group of immature assholes ever put together on gods green earth, but it totally irritates my shit in the worst kind of way when I come all the way over there (because it's a good distance from my house) to see my friends, and I have to deal with everyone else in the rooms shit. Somewhere in the commericals for Denny's thier must have been a subliminal message that draws these assholes thier like muslims to mecca, because I can't walk in their without feeling like I should have just put a fucking gun to my head instead.
Now I found myself in this Denny's on Thursday because I have the rare privledge of seeing the guys altogether again. With Christmas break being here I have preciuous little time with the guys before they all head back for another 3 months of shit and misery. Now this time is wasted, when I have to sit and deal with nonsense, and I'm starting to feel the only reason I didn't get up and walk across the room and rip the ring out of the fucking kids lip who was throwing the creamer around, was because I was with the guys.
It's not an avoidable question or idea anymore, I have made these guys the most important thing in my life, and when I have them altogether I find that I am most at peace with myself. My greatest blessing in life was finding my friends, people who I can trust, people I can believe in, and people who manage to live thier lives with the best intrests of each other at heart.
Thorns and Kang are two of the closest people I have ever met, Matt I think, gets along with him better than his own family and why god made them friends instead of brothers I will never understand. Steve inspite of his shortcomings is one of the most simplistic and easy going people I have ever met, he seems to just be able to float through life and I admire that, thier are days I wish I could just drift, and not have to worry anymore, but for me thats a pipe dream, the man lives his life his way, and that is to be admired. Chris Cochrane is another story all of his own, I haven't known him nearly as long as the others but I wish I had. Things came between Chris and I becoming friends, and really suffered because I met him at a time when he was falling out with the guys, mostly through the influence of the now defunct Hai, who is no longer in the picture. Chris is this sort of quiet guy who is just a closet cult of personality. He knows what to say and when to say it, and he like the others is just a damned genius. It makes me feel alot better that he is back, because I find the man to be intresting and insightful, and it's a rare treat to able to converse with him. Finally we come to the only man who wasn't present but we felt the loss of, Stubbs. Stubbs is the biggest morale boost I think that this group has. I haven't had a bad experience with the man, and I really do honest think of him as a brother, he wise far beyond his years, he knows his strengths and limitations, and most importantly he never tries to be what he is not, and you HAVE to respect that.
When I'm with these guys I find that my problems just seem to melt away, I can forget about the rest of the world and just be myself and do my thing, and these guys are the reason I can. It's just something about all of us, it like a magnetism, somehow for some reason we were all drawn together and everyday I thank my lucky stars that we were, it's the direct hand of god at work.
But this is where I get to the point, what this is all about. When I'm not with these guys everything comes rushing back to me, and I feel anger,frustration, and most of all regret. I hate having to feel bad and others cause me to feel that way. I'm not perfect, my friends aren't perfect, but when were with each other, it's like were in our own perfect little universe, one I think shows the way that the world should live. I can and have forgiven these guys for things in the past, Matt's shunning of us because of his ex, Lies told,things said, I have and I will continue to forgive them for everything and anything, but why can't I do this for the rest of the world?
Why is it that our group can live, be almost selfless for each others benefit, and yet everyone else seems to be the opposite? and why doesn't anyone get that thier actions hurt each other?. I had stated earlier this year that everyday when I wake up, I see more and more, the rotten and evil things inside every person I meet. Maybe it's just me being facichious but I dont see that in these guys, I dont see in them what the rest of the world shows me, and I find myself asking why?
more important than that, I'm asking myself why I just simply can't forgive people for things anymore, why my family is trying my patience,why my co-workers are putting me at my wits end, and why I find the many simple inflictions on me to be terrible. I think it's because I spoiled my perception of the world with the balance I have with my friends. It's like coming off some kind of high when I return from an outing with the guys, and I come crashing back to this shit, and it pisses me off that those moments have to end.
but the consolation here is that these guys make me what to be a better person, hell I think we all cause each other to be a better person, and if I can learn to just be happy with life even by myself, I may just be okay. I often like to think of a simple Chinese proverb I heard once, one that sticks with me, and feels logical to me...
Manifest plainness,
Embrace simplicity,
Reduce selfishness,
Have few desires.
Lao-tzu, The Way of Lao-tzu
Chinese philosopher (604 BC - 531 BC)
sounds like a great plan to me, god bless us guys, your more special than each of you could ever know.
